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You Can Do Hard Things

The Shadow Self
You Can Do Hard Things
A message to my children, and a message to you…
You can do hard things.
You can endure the most horrible pain in ways no one can comprehend.
You can make hard choices.
You don’t have to be a victim to yourself, life, or anyone else. But if you choose to be a victim, know that you are a victim first of your own self.
Healing is hard. Being a victim is easy.
I’m not formally educated. I’m not a doctor or a psychologist. I have not trained to become a shaman. I am a student of life, educated by pain, trauma, and abuse.
I can’t heal you. You have to heal you. I can’t force you to be ready. I can’t make you want it. I can’t instill in you what I felt when I got soooo sick of my own bullshit. So sick of being sick. So sick of being a victim, of being a martyr, trained to surrender my highest good for nothing of value at all… I can’t empower you that way. You have to reach your own breaking point.
I hope I have shown you that despite any pain you may face that if I can endure, so can you, and if I can heal, so can you. I hope you learn from me that you can do hard things, and endure hard things and that no matter what you’re facing in life that you can do all the hard things. Even create joy, sometimes that’s the hardest thing to do and takes the most courage, but you can sure do it.
Music for the moment
I Can Do Hard Things ~ Jennifer Nettles https://youtu.be/OmAoBiF-MDo

Until next, unique souls.

 

Love always,

Momma Faye

 

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Heal Your Traumas Before

The Shadow Self

Heal Your Traumas Before

 

How do heal your trauma before it’s a problem?

 

Here lately there is a new trending post going around that says “You should heal your traumas before you have children.” They all vary in ways of delivering this message, but the bottom line is your value as a parent is greatly diminished or even that you being their parent in this unhealed state is even detrimental to the child. This is the most toxic statement I have ever read, and I have read many. But it affects everyone, even those without children in so many negative ways. We all had parents, right?

 

Now in all logic, I know no mother is going to read this and say, “oh wait, I’m damaged and have trauma. Better not hurt the babies anymore!” and just walk out. That doesn’t make the message any less toxic to our self-worth and healing. 

 

So let’s have some real talk about trauma.

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Heal You Traumas Before

First of all, I don’t actually know anyone who is completely free of trauma. Everyone I have ever met, if they wanted to admit it or not, had some wound inside of them that shaped their every day. Everyone I know suffers from some symptom of trauma if not several; a sleep condition, anxiety, depression, and of course there are many others. This often results in health conditions over time; memory loss, stomach problems like ulcers or IBS, and even cancer have been rampant in those suffering with self-worth issues as this is the house of our Sacral Chakra, right in our stomach. The Sacral Chakra is where we carry our self-worth. 

 

So let’s talk about trauma and the best time to heal it. Because what happens if you can’t heal the trauma before you have kids? Maybe you weren’t ready or maybe the trauma hadn’t occurred yet. Much of my own trauma was experienced as an adult after I had my children. It’s certainly not their fault, but I can’t forfeit being their mother because I faced struggles. If every mother did that we’d all be orphans. 

 

I can only hope that in my healing my children will see what’s possible. They will see that everyone can break, no one is safe, but that equally everyone can heal. That you can take responsibility for your weaknesses as much as you can your joys, and in doing so there is power and transformation.

 

This is the message I hope to share.

 

So when is the right time to heal?

 

Have you ever experienced a time when you felt crazed by your pain? Angered and tormented, frustrated by yourself, your reaction, your emotions?

 

Have you heard the phrase, “You always hurt the one you love?” Have you ever yelled at someone you loved? What about physical reactions? Have you ever thrown anything or struck at someone out of anger or frustration?

 

When these instances happen it is our wounds calling out to us for help. Screaming is more accurate.

 

These are messages from your subconscious telling you that your wounds are ready to heal and they are so ready that they are going to become more and more aggressive against you until you listen. 

 

The best time to heal is when you’re able to recognize the need to heal. But if we don’t know how then there’s no ability to even if it is the best time. So when do we heal? Whenever we can! However we can! Whatever it takes.

 

Since childhood, we’re taught to ignore and brush off pain and to keep moving. We’re filled with programming and really have to combat this on a daily basis, some of us from the time of conception. If your mother struggled with her health, physical or mental then you were programmed with these same traits since conception. But no one teaches us how to combat it usually. If we’re blessed, we are born into love though and have a loving supportive family despite its problems despite its challenges, there is love in the home. So yes, of course as mothers we would love to be fully healed before carrying our children so as not to perpetuate this cycle of such negative early on programming. We’re burdened with enough shame and guilt as it is, aren’t we?

 

I spent most of my children’s lives in a state of guilt and shame for my physical and mental struggles both. In an ideal world, I would love to shield them from this. However, looking around, this is nothing like my ideal world or theirs! 

 

This is actually called shame-shielding. Who labeled it that? I did. Just now. 

 

You’ll see this in parents who don’t want their children to watch any progressive movies or books that express sensitive topics. 

 

Parents around the world are shielding their children from their flaws, painting on fake smiles while they suffer trauma in silence until it eats them from the inside out. Like it did me, it landed me in the hospital for physical symptoms not mental symptoms, for years and 7 surgeries in between literally hundreds of hospital stays. Some parents are shame-shielding their children from violence and other kinds of abuse. Some parents are shame-shielding from their mental wounds and challenges, hiding their depression, not claiming their challenges like being bipolar. 

 

It is these denials that deepen our wounds, cause them to lash out further, and wound our loved ones. It is the repression of our emotions, shoving them into the box and ignoring them away that is the act of saving them for later!

 

Think of your emotions like leftovers from a not so great Mexican restaurant that you don’t want to throw out because that’s wasteful, but don’t want to eat because it’s gross, so you leave it there to rot. These are your emotions, bad leftovers.

So the ideal time to deal with emotions is right in the moment. Don’t take home the leftovers, don’t store the emotions away in a box for later. Eat your meal, enjoy it, connect, feel, experience, and let it go.

 

When we find our internal refrigerators full of bad leftovers what do we do? We can let them rot away, and keep stacking new leftovers on top until the fridge stinks so bad we have no choice but to experience either a very unpleasant rotten life day in and out or clean the fridge. Do the healing work whenever you can. However you have to. Schedule it in. 

 

Reach out and talk to me about what healing could look like for you. It’s not the same path for everyone. Not everyone is ready to heal in this lifetime in fact. Some of us are meant to carry this into the next life. Some of us are ready though. 

 

How do you know you’re ready? Healing is scary, it’s hard, there’s a lot of ugly in it, and insecurity at first. 

 

We know it’s worth it though. And we know we’re ready when we’re tired of putting up with the smell of our leftovers.

 

Until next, unique souls.

 

Love always,

Momma Faye

 

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Journaling With Pain

The Shadow Self
Journaling With Pain
Journaling with pain is an intimate practice of listening to your wouds.
Healing does not always feel good. I’m not even sure if it feels good 50% of the time
Maybe it only feels good after, or at least on rare bath occasions…. I could really use a bath today. That might happen. (It did not happen)
Sometimes healing is just sitting in your funk and asking where it hurts and digging into the core of the why?
Sometimes it’s patience with things not going according to plan.
Sometimes it’s sitting alone, asking yourself how alone feels, and most importantly facing how it feels with compassion.
These are good moments for exploring through journaling or meditation.
Why does Source gift me with setbacks?
Why does Source want me to face this challenge?
How does Source want me to face this challenge?
What do I need from me right now?
What are my feelings right now?
Do they affect me physically or just emotionally?
Are my emotions affecting others around me?
How would I like my emotions to affect those around me?
What benefit will I be blessed with after I overcome this challenge?
Why am I so blessed with vital learning opportunities?
How do I ideally overcome this challenge?
What would I do differently if I had a do over?
Did I feel any internal alarms sound during this challenge or my reaction to the challenge?
What should I take responsibility for with this setback?
What should I release responsibility over from this challenge?
What action would serve my highest self best when facing this challenge?
Journaling with pain is one of the most healing forms of journaling as it allows your inner wounds to have a true voice and be heard. Acknowledging our wounds and our experiences are important. Asking the right questions to understand the hows and whys of our wounds is healing.
Journaling With Pain

Until next, unique souls.

 

Love always,

Momma Faye

 

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What Does It Take

The Shadow Self

What Does It Take

What does it take to heal? What does it take to choose healing? What does it take to choose the uncomfortable to become comfortable?

You may feel trapped in a battle against yourself, and most of your entire life has been programmed to make you feel as if you’re at a disadvantage. You have been programmed to feel this way. You have been programmed to be defective. And the worst lie of them all was the programming that says there’s no hope for change, and that this is as good as it gets because you’re not a perfectly functioning specimen. The good news is, none of it’s true.

Unless you choose to allow it to be true, and surrender to this programming.

So, what you have to go inward to decide, is not if you’re broken, or if what I am saying is even true. But, after all the fight you’ve put in to get this far, are you going to play into the programming and let it victimize you, or are you willing to choose your highest good, your highest potential, the Super Girl inside of you that’s lying in wait? It’s not a simple road, but the red pill never is, but neither is anything worth having I suppose.

The hard reality is, to get to this point where you’re capable of making that decision you really have to get past rock bottom and tear out the entire foundation before rebuilding. You don’t just have to break, you have to get angry at your willingness to be broken. Once you’re sick of your shit, you’ll be able to break free. It’s pretty rare anyone can succeed in this without getting to this point. It helps to remember, God sends angels as our most painful battles and traumas to guide us and move us to precisely where we need to be.

So, you can lean into your reasons, the excuses we’ve allowed to shape our entire beings, that will support you and allow you to remain here, feeling this way in a never-ending cycle, helpless to change it. Or, you can choose the impossible, and I hope you do because it spells I’m Possible, what more powerful words do we need?

I know that sounds way easier than it is. Healing is never easy. It’s never simple. It’s not a pill, drink, diet plan, exercise plan, or therapy session. It’s a war, good versus evil, light versus dark, self versus self, killing off bad habits and reestablishing new positive and empowering habits. It’s duality, creating a new balance, a new world order, all inside your own world while the rest of the world stews in its angst and pain. Which can make it quite lonely as well.

Like learning a new skill or trade, you have to dedicate and be willing to suffer for the greater good of your end result.

It’s strangely easy to sit in our current stagnant state of being and just stay there. It’s safe, reliable. We know just what we’re going to feel. We know no one can take away our joy, because we have already forfeit joy. No one can break us because we’re already broken. What an easy peaceful way to go, to simply drown in it and let it consume us.

The question is, is easy what we really want, or is it just easy?

What Does It Take

 

 

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The Shadow Self

The Shadow Self
The Shadow Self
The shadow self is all the parts of us we have been shoving in imaginary boxes, bottling up, the pieces of us we have suffocated, smothered, and tried to stomp out of existence due to fear of judgment, fear of the unknown, fear of loss. The shadow self also holds all our dormant power, all our hidden strength. These things, these emotions, traumas, strengths all become intertwined as we suppress and hide.
As we do this we can no longer fully support our highest good. So then we seek outside validation. We crave peace and change, so we dye our hair, get a new tattoo, a new piercing, a new job, new spouse.
Does any of this sound familiar yet?
The Shadow Self
I know I need to journal and look deeper into something I have carried for over a decade… and today I intend on addressing this head-on. It’s been building in me all week, desperately trying to get my attention. My Shadow Self is calling me.
Not feeling good enough for my family… not feeling good enough means I don’t feel worthy. How can I ever reclaim my family if I don’t feel worthy of them? Why do I feel this way when I know damn well I am a great mom? Not perfect, but no less great. This is my own pain. Those of you who know my story understand this. But when my kids are here with me I’m bombarded by this overwhelming emotion a lot. If V didn’t like the sandwich I so lovingly made, or the expensive thing I bought goes untouched and unwanted then I feel like I failed. I got S a slushy and those are his favorite but he took one drink and didn’t want the rest, why the hell does that translate into being a failure as a mom? Not even logical! And that’s not to mention my financial failures as a mom. Not being able to afford the shoes when needed and wanted, the better sweatshirts, the games.
There have been so many nos because I couldn’t which made me feel like a failure as a mother, because I wasn’t providing at my own top tier expectations. Then guilt because I am encoding lack and money issues into my children at such a critical age = more guilt.
Anyone else have those mom burdens? Maybe, maybe not.
But they can be healed. I know this because I’ve healed so many other things. Acceptance and admitting to these feelings is a huge first step when addressing our inner negativity.
When we give our pain attention in the right way that’s when it turns from wallowing into healing.
Where do these feelings come from?
How do I best experience these feelings?
What do these feelings need me to hear?
What do I need from me right now to heal?
What is the path of least resistance in my journey to healing?
Write out these questions without yet feeling called to answer them. If journaling is not an option to you right now but you want to initiate this practice to begin implementing these empowerment questions now, touch the fingertips of your left hand onto your heart chakra and ask aloud each question three times. This activates an instant heart-mind coherence that is most powerful and will reap you many rewards.

Until next, unique souls.

 

Love always,

Momma Faye