The Shadow Self
The shadow self is all the parts of us we have been shoving in imaginary boxes, bottling up, the pieces of us we have suffocated, smothered, and tried to stomp out of existence due to fear of judgment, fear of the unknown, fear of loss. The shadow self also holds all our dormant power, all our hidden strength. These things, these emotions, traumas, strengths all become intertwined as we suppress and hide.
As we do this we can no longer fully support our highest good. So then we seek outside validation. We crave peace and change, so we dye our hair, get a new tattoo, a new piercing, a new job, new spouse.
Does any of this sound familiar yet?
I know I need to journal and look deeper into something I have carried for over a decade… and today I intend on addressing this head-on. It’s been building in me all week, desperately trying to get my attention. My Shadow Self is calling me.
Not feeling good enough for my family… not feeling good enough means I don’t feel worthy. How can I ever reclaim my family if I don’t feel worthy of them? Why do I feel this way when I know damn well I am a great mom? Not perfect, but no less great. This is my own pain. Those of you who know my story understand this. But when my kids are here with me I’m bombarded by this overwhelming emotion a lot. If V didn’t like the sandwich I so lovingly made, or the expensive thing I bought goes untouched and unwanted then I feel like I failed. I got S a slushy and those are his favorite but he took one drink and didn’t want the rest, why the hell does that translate into being a failure as a mom? Not even logical! And that’s not to mention my financial failures as a mom. Not being able to afford the shoes when needed and wanted, the better sweatshirts, the games.
There have been so many nos because I couldn’t which made me feel like a failure as a mother, because I wasn’t providing at my own top tier expectations. Then guilt because I am encoding lack and money issues into my children at such a critical age = more guilt.
Anyone else have those mom burdens? Maybe, maybe not.
But they can be healed. I know this because I’ve healed so many other things. Acceptance and admitting to these feelings is a huge first step when addressing our inner negativity.
When we give our pain attention in the right way that’s when it turns from wallowing into healing.
Where do these feelings come from?
How do I best experience these feelings?
What do these feelings need me to hear?
What do I need from me right now to heal?
What is the path of least resistance in my journey to healing?
Write out these questions without yet feeling called to answer them. If journaling is not an option to you right now but you want to initiate this practice to begin implementing these empowerment questions now, touch the fingertips of your left hand onto your heart chakra and ask aloud each question three times. This activates an instant heart-mind coherence that is most powerful and will reap you many rewards.
Until next, unique souls.